more from my day:
1:45-To Publix!
2:00-I've got some anti-mold spray, a box of cereal, vitamin water and trash bags...you'll see where I'm going with this...
2:02-Realize I'm hungry and scour the store for lunch.
2:03-I find myself deciding on which Hot Pocket to devour. Steak and Cheese or Cheeseburger. I went with the latter.
2:15-Arrive home and begin to turn my home into a vagrant's paradise.
2:45-6 nails and 6 black garbage bags later we have ourselves a wonderful little shanty/abode/homeless shelter.
3:00-Pause to watch COPS...they're in Atlanta, it's one of the best.
3:05-Note to self...in August in Florida with no AC, the house will get no hotter than 86 degrees.
3:15-Decide that if contractor comes back with an outrageous offer myself and Pops will tackle the ceiling tomorrow. Translation=my father and I will fuck up our housing design and decor for the sake of frugalness thereby setting ourselves up to get about 10 cents back when we sell the place.
Friday, August 25, 2006
...But you'll be able to see the moon at night..Part Deux
11:45-Man from drywall company shows up.
11:47-Tells me I'm screwed.
12:00-Leaves without fixing anything or estimating a cost.
12:01-I rethink my career. I need a job where people call me, I show up with no tools, tell them they need to get it fixed and that someone will call them. And then leave. Then pick up a paycheck.
12:30-I decide I am going to take it upon myself to create an outline of damage, much like a homicide scene from CSI with the chalk outline except no one's dead...yet.
12:31-Hoist myself into the attic
12:35-Contort my body so that I can almost lick my bellybutton. Reach around the AC carrier and poke to see if it's wet. 2'x2' chunk falls to the ground. My answer is yes, that was wet.
12:36-Spen the next 30 seconds not moving in hopes that I don't crash to the floor.
12:37-Wonder if I do craash to the floor and render myself paralyzed if our 12 pound Shi-tzu will alert a passer by a la Lassie.
12:45-Finish my atlas of damage so that when someone does come fix the shit, they don't try and screw me.
11:47-Tells me I'm screwed.
12:00-Leaves without fixing anything or estimating a cost.
12:01-I rethink my career. I need a job where people call me, I show up with no tools, tell them they need to get it fixed and that someone will call them. And then leave. Then pick up a paycheck.
12:30-I decide I am going to take it upon myself to create an outline of damage, much like a homicide scene from CSI with the chalk outline except no one's dead...yet.
12:31-Hoist myself into the attic
12:35-Contort my body so that I can almost lick my bellybutton. Reach around the AC carrier and poke to see if it's wet. 2'x2' chunk falls to the ground. My answer is yes, that was wet.
12:36-Spen the next 30 seconds not moving in hopes that I don't crash to the floor.
12:37-Wonder if I do craash to the floor and render myself paralyzed if our 12 pound Shi-tzu will alert a passer by a la Lassie.
12:45-Finish my atlas of damage so that when someone does come fix the shit, they don't try and screw me.
Installing a sunroof in your living room...Part 1
chronicle of my day today (I only know the times because they correspond with Walker, Texas Ranger which I put on for some kickass background noise):
7AM-Wake up, watch Mike and Mike and wonder if in fact the Tigers are going to lose their lead in the AL Central.
7:30 AM-Climb into attic to repair faulty drip pan under AC unit which leaked two days ago and left a bubble on our living room ceiling.
7:40-Get the idea to grab a towel and dry up remaining standing water in said attic.
7:41-Climb out of attic, grab towel, climb back into attic...I literally mean climb here when I say it. the ladder is only a three stepper so I have to walk up the wall and hoist myself into the crawl space.
7:50-Cuss at former owner who is not there to hear me but will burn in hell if all goes well.
7:51-Notice that it appears that the drywall ceiling is sopping wet and in fact seperated AND in danger of falling.
7:55-Race to crawl space, hoist self down as quickly as possible so i can move furniture, tv, electronics, cds, etc...hear ceiling fall in other room.
7:56-Peer around corner to find our living room covered in a dusting of pink and a nice steady drip of water.
8:00-Fill two trash bags with pink insulation and remove 3'x4' piece of fallen drywall from the house.
8:20-Call 30 different drywall companies to find that none are open or that they can't do the job until Monoday.
9:00-Garner enough courage to call The Fi and tell her the story.
9:15-Stop clean up temporarily to listen to biker guy across the street call our crazy neighbor a "crazy, fucking bitch" and run at her car as she drives away continually yelling sentences containing "crazy," "fucking" and "bitch" (not necessarily in that order).
9:30-Get a call back from a company I don't remember calling. young lady informs me that Paul will be here at 11:00.
10:30-Waiting for Paul to get here. Will continue after we get the automatic moon roof installed. next to our cieling fan which is danging by a gnat's pubic hair right now.
7AM-Wake up, watch Mike and Mike and wonder if in fact the Tigers are going to lose their lead in the AL Central.
7:30 AM-Climb into attic to repair faulty drip pan under AC unit which leaked two days ago and left a bubble on our living room ceiling.
7:40-Get the idea to grab a towel and dry up remaining standing water in said attic.
7:41-Climb out of attic, grab towel, climb back into attic...I literally mean climb here when I say it. the ladder is only a three stepper so I have to walk up the wall and hoist myself into the crawl space.
7:50-Cuss at former owner who is not there to hear me but will burn in hell if all goes well.
7:51-Notice that it appears that the drywall ceiling is sopping wet and in fact seperated AND in danger of falling.
7:55-Race to crawl space, hoist self down as quickly as possible so i can move furniture, tv, electronics, cds, etc...hear ceiling fall in other room.
7:56-Peer around corner to find our living room covered in a dusting of pink and a nice steady drip of water.
8:00-Fill two trash bags with pink insulation and remove 3'x4' piece of fallen drywall from the house.
8:20-Call 30 different drywall companies to find that none are open or that they can't do the job until Monoday.
9:00-Garner enough courage to call The Fi and tell her the story.
9:15-Stop clean up temporarily to listen to biker guy across the street call our crazy neighbor a "crazy, fucking bitch" and run at her car as she drives away continually yelling sentences containing "crazy," "fucking" and "bitch" (not necessarily in that order).
9:30-Get a call back from a company I don't remember calling. young lady informs me that Paul will be here at 11:00.
10:30-Waiting for Paul to get here. Will continue after we get the automatic moon roof installed. next to our cieling fan which is danging by a gnat's pubic hair right now.
Monday, August 21, 2006
Bennifer!
Me: Hello
Phone: Hi, this is Henry, I work with Ben Affleck.
Me: um, ok
Phone/Henry: yeah, Wade Boggs got Ben and Jennifer a baby gift but there was no return address
Me: what?
Phone/Henry: Do you have Mr. Boggs' address?
Me: um, hang on.
(give address)
Phone/Henry: Cool thanks, Ben is very appreciative.
I was too stunned to ask for the two hours of my life back suffered watching Daredevil during our fre installment of HBO.
Phone: Hi, this is Henry, I work with Ben Affleck.
Me: um, ok
Phone/Henry: yeah, Wade Boggs got Ben and Jennifer a baby gift but there was no return address
Me: what?
Phone/Henry: Do you have Mr. Boggs' address?
Me: um, hang on.
(give address)
Phone/Henry: Cool thanks, Ben is very appreciative.
I was too stunned to ask for the two hours of my life back suffered watching Daredevil during our fre installment of HBO.
Friday, August 11, 2006
Mighty Morphine Power Wedding...
I know Brandon has been absent from the world but it's mostly because my schedule has left me uninspired to write...but then there's Nino to keep me fresh.
My Cuban compadre informed me he could not go to the Bucs game tonight because he would have to accompany his fiance to a wedding over the weekend in Cocoa Beach or somewhere across the state. Lauren, soon to be Mrs. Nino, was in the wedding leaving poor Nino alone with his burro for Friday night. But then God smiled upon the latino lad...
Since Lauren is staying in the bridal suite, Nino was to sleep in a seperate room with a random roommate. The pairing, I feel, is magical since Nino will be sleeping alongside Sean "CW" Johnson, otherwise known as Red Lightspeed Ranger from THE Power Rangers.
He will be bringing along the complete first season of the Mighty Morphine Power Rangers to make Sean comfortable, later he will be challenging the Red Ranger to a fight just to see if it is in fact as fake as it looks.
I shall recap upon his return...
My Cuban compadre informed me he could not go to the Bucs game tonight because he would have to accompany his fiance to a wedding over the weekend in Cocoa Beach or somewhere across the state. Lauren, soon to be Mrs. Nino, was in the wedding leaving poor Nino alone with his burro for Friday night. But then God smiled upon the latino lad...
Since Lauren is staying in the bridal suite, Nino was to sleep in a seperate room with a random roommate. The pairing, I feel, is magical since Nino will be sleeping alongside Sean "CW" Johnson, otherwise known as Red Lightspeed Ranger from THE Power Rangers.
He will be bringing along the complete first season of the Mighty Morphine Power Rangers to make Sean comfortable, later he will be challenging the Red Ranger to a fight just to see if it is in fact as fake as it looks.I shall recap upon his return...
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)