Here I am enjoying myself in The Windy City. Last time I was here I was under 21. This time I’m over 21 yet can’t find the energy to drink. Allow me to take a few moments to share a few anecdotes:
The Michael Jackson of cab drivers---My comrades and I exit the office building and flag a passing cab yesterday to return to the hotel. I am from Florida, I don’t live in a city ergo, I am not a seasoned cab rider. The smell, I can stand…I am an excellent mouth-breather. The lack of English I can stand because I hate small talk and would rather sit in silence and pretend to be rich as I am chauffeured. But, the one thing that scares the shit out of me is when the driver starts the meter then reaches down and puts on his fingerless Huffy driving gloves. Upon further inspection I notice that the floor is covered with trash and the car has not been cleaned in about 7 years, yet his steering wheel is shined and sponsored by Ford with the special Jeff Gordon grips. I made it safely to the hotel…with my eyes closed.
Swirly---For those of you that know me, you know my hatred of public restrooms. I was forced to use one yesterday. I sat and took care of business as usual but apparently no one felt the need to notify the next user of that stall that the sensor on the automatic flusher was broken. I have never used a bade but I imagine it is similar to a toilet flushing 14 times in a matter of two minutes splashing water into places that it should not be at that time. I was scared I would be in a pickle because I couldn’t concentrate. I ended up having to put my hand over the sensor while completing. It was awkward and unpleasant and a reminder why I only like my restroom.
My Stupid Mouth---On today’s cab ride home (the driver did NOT wear gloves) we were driving through downtown when one of my esteemed colleagues pointed out a rather cool design that a building had put up on their front for passers-by to read. We all gave the, “oh yeah, that is cool.” I tried to step up my game and impress the fellow riders who are way more important than me and could have me fired tomorrow if they wanted to or probably killed. “Look at the building next to it, it looks like they have something cool too but I can’t quite make it out,” I exclaimed. Everyone stares as we round the corner and get a better view of the fabulous artistic expression on the façade made by lights. It reads “Think Pink.” No one said anything. I was silent for the remaining 10 minutes of the ride not knowing whether to laugh or apologize.
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5 comments:
just consider the auto-flush toilets the public's solution to a courtesy flush. some people don't take the time to flush between plops...the auto-flush takes the guess work out of making a stink-less poo.
You cannot be held accountable for the Think Pink remark. You did not have Nino there to say something stupid before you could. We are used to a stupid saying buffer.
Just tell them Pink is the new Black and then direct them here: http://www.thomaspink.co.uk/
Maybe they will see you for the high class, extremely influential and intelligent businessman you really are.
See if they ask you to pick the next restaurant for a business lunch.
Stink-less poo? Why would you want a Stink-less poo? Grip it and rip it
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