It' official, Brandon's worlds will be colliding at The Fi's parent's house for Turkey Day. There is no amount of alcohol that could make me enjoy a Thanksgiving with a kvetching mom and an armed dad whilst my stepmother tries too hard to not embarass me. Throw in an 86-year-old grandpa who dropped the "N-word" two weeks ago on me and The Fi and you've got what I refer to as a 'hootananny.' The only saving grace is that STBFIL (soon to be father in law) buys classy beer instead of piss (see: Natty Lite and the Beast). I figure if I start tonight, my BAC can be well into the 3's by Thursday. In the spirit of the holiday (and because I have nothing to do at work) I have decided to cast my family as if we were making a movie this holiday season...
Me-Jason Priestley (duh)
The Fi-Neve Campbell (it's a sick obsession)
Dad-James Caan (Vegas Caan, not Godfather Caan)
StepMom-Cagney (or Lacey, whichever one was blonde)
Mom-Fran Drescher (a little less laugh, a little more Jew)
Grandpa (aka: Pop)-The dad from Forget Paris that reads the signs as they drive down the road.
STBFIL-The Bob's (from Office Space...he's funny but I always feel as though he could can me at any second)
STBMIL-Shelley Long (from Troop Beverly Hills)
STBS(sister)IL-Lisa Bonet(Cosby Show, not High Fidelity-and not black)
STBSIL's boyfriend-Keanu Reeves (as the BF in Parenthood, except smoking more pot)
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As the Fi, all I can say is that my hat is off to you. Bravo. I couldn't have cast it better myself. Hey, at least this year we don't have Buddhists at Thanksgiving dinner.
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