Submitted by Nino and Scotty Too Hotty...
Sunday, February 26, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Who's your daddy...
I once again got in touch with my neo-punk roots last night taking in a NoFX concert at Jannus Landing. And yes, me and my 38 year old boss/friend were the oldest ones there.
Half way through the show...and this is no lie...I got hit on. I attribute it to my new updated Lance Bass haircut.
She pulled the old, "I think I know you, you look very familiar." For fun, I played along as gave her my smoothest response. "Nope, don't think so."
"Where do you live," she querried.
I shot back with the moxie of 007, "Clearwater. Maybe you've seen me at the Super Target, I go there a lot."
Her response, "Nope, I don't go there. Where do you go to school?" Cue tires-screaching sound effects and my sarcastic chuckle.
"I don't go to school. I have healthcare and a car payment."
But is is good to know that I have now been approached by 100% more women as a 24 year old than all three years of high school.
Half way through the show...and this is no lie...I got hit on. I attribute it to my new updated Lance Bass haircut.
She pulled the old, "I think I know you, you look very familiar." For fun, I played along as gave her my smoothest response. "Nope, don't think so."
"Where do you live," she querried.
I shot back with the moxie of 007, "Clearwater. Maybe you've seen me at the Super Target, I go there a lot."
Her response, "Nope, I don't go there. Where do you go to school?" Cue tires-screaching sound effects and my sarcastic chuckle.
"I don't go to school. I have healthcare and a car payment."
But is is good to know that I have now been approached by 100% more women as a 24 year old than all three years of high school.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
Dick Cheney Memorial Scattershot
-Why is snowboarding an olympic sport? And why would you let people call you "The Flying Tomato?"
-I received a letter in the mail today from a "Mr. M. Burns." No lie. It was eeeeexcellent.
-I had a newspaper reporter ask me for a pen today because "he forgot his." A reporter. There are only two things you need to be a reporter...paper and a pen. You wake up, you grab two things and you're set. Paper-check, Pen-check...and you're set for the day. Imbecile.
-I received a letter in the mail today from a "Mr. M. Burns." No lie. It was eeeeexcellent.
-I had a newspaper reporter ask me for a pen today because "he forgot his." A reporter. There are only two things you need to be a reporter...paper and a pen. You wake up, you grab two things and you're set. Paper-check, Pen-check...and you're set for the day. Imbecile.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
The Pit turns 100
With this post, The Pit reaches the century mark and is now eligible for syndication...Free malts and a lap dance from Valerie for everyone who stops by and says congrats to Nat. Everyone's invited, even the Chang-Rodriguez wedding party and the random white guy who snuck in the photo.On a more serious note --- Ask a Ninja...and if you own a video iPod, download his podcast. 
A grown man who thinks he can accurately toss a chinese star, believes he's skilled in nunchucking and says and does dumbass things...reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it...
I guarantee this guy owns a Bowflex.
A grown man who thinks he can accurately toss a chinese star, believes he's skilled in nunchucking and says and does dumbass things...reminds me of someone, but I can't quite put my finger on it...I guarantee this guy owns a Bowflex.
Thursday, February 09, 2006
May the fleas of a thousand camels infest your armpits tonight...
I am hereby boycotting CBS. I don't need you or your Crime Scene Insolants.
In the words of the wise Walter Sobcek: "I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling?"
They up and cancelled 'Love Monkey' today, the only show I enjoy watching on tv these days (other than Scrubs, The Office and Project Runway), not to mention, I'm in the damn show.
It was an insurmountable montage of the guy formerly known as Ed, a former teen heart throb, the once sex-kitten in Mind of a Married Man and Kitty from Arrested Development (woohoo Spring Break!). How is it possible a show once touted as a male Sex and the City can't stay on the air but fuckin Kristin Cavalleri can?
That show really brought the room together...
In the words of the wise Walter Sobcek: "I told that fuck down at the league office-- who's in charge of scheduling?"
They up and cancelled 'Love Monkey' today, the only show I enjoy watching on tv these days (other than Scrubs, The Office and Project Runway), not to mention, I'm in the damn show.It was an insurmountable montage of the guy formerly known as Ed, a former teen heart throb, the once sex-kitten in Mind of a Married Man and Kitty from Arrested Development (woohoo Spring Break!). How is it possible a show once touted as a male Sex and the City can't stay on the air but fuckin Kristin Cavalleri can?
That show really brought the room together...
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Monday, February 06, 2006
Slideshow Bob...
Submitted by Slick Rick. Notice that if you are an NFL quarterback chicks still give it up even if you get wasted and spill liquor all over your shirt causing you to remove it and wear a soaked undershirt at the club.
Friday, February 03, 2006
It's questionnable...
New intern started today. I'll be blunt, I can't figure out if he's gay or not.
Exhibit 1-He wears a long sleeved button-down shirt with the top THREE buttons undone and a form-fitting, ribbed black tank-top underneath.
Exhibit 2-He was doing a project that required gluing something onto a piece of paper and asked if we had another glue stick because his had run out. I hand it to him and he says, "Oh good, a big one. I like big glue sticks." I couldn't figure out if he was kidding or not.
Exhibit 3-He drinks Pepsi...all the time. I haven't seen him without a can in his hand yet.
Exhibit 4-He told me within the first 2 hours he was in the office that he had downloaded a porn movie to his iPod and the quality was awesome. But he whispered porn. He also says 'F' instead fuck, yet he says the word shit.
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Exhibit 1-He wears a long sleeved button-down shirt with the top THREE buttons undone and a form-fitting, ribbed black tank-top underneath.
Exhibit 2-He was doing a project that required gluing something onto a piece of paper and asked if we had another glue stick because his had run out. I hand it to him and he says, "Oh good, a big one. I like big glue sticks." I couldn't figure out if he was kidding or not.
Exhibit 3-He drinks Pepsi...all the time. I haven't seen him without a can in his hand yet.
Exhibit 4-He told me within the first 2 hours he was in the office that he had downloaded a porn movie to his iPod and the quality was awesome. But he whispered porn. He also says 'F' instead fuck, yet he says the word shit.
Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
I definitely smell a pork product of some kind...
I love COPS. It could be the fact that I was raised by a house full of cops or it could be a freudian mental mind-fuck that I like to view those less fortunate than me. Either way, there is and never will be a better half-hour of tv than COPS. The premise of every show consists of three things:
1) stolen car. officer finds drugs/paraphenalia/gun in plain view.
2) domestic violence (usually involving a trailer and Jack Daniels).
3) prostitution.
Every once in a while they intersect and you get a drunkard who has crashed a stolen car into his trailer then beat the shit out of his toothless girlfriend (who says they were just playing with the dog) but forgot to hide the pound of coke that she was snorting after she just got done hooking.
I think that from my experience watching the show along with my cat-like speed and reflexes I would make a great street cop (though my fear of guns would render me alone with taser). Like tonight, the police car drove down the street and passed a man on a bike with a mullet and a scrappy Jansen backpack wearing a shirt that read "Shut Your Butt." I said to no one in particular, "I would stop him just because." Sure enough at that moment the call comes in for a suspected burgler fitting said man's description. It's a sixth sense people. I think I would also be good at vehicle chases. My dad once taught me how to J-hook a car just in case, you know, I ever need to use it. I'm like Batman or the Green Lantern. Call me when you need assistance po-po.
Favorite scene all-time: Prostitute stopped in the middle of sucky-suck steps out of the vehicle with a dress (no panties or bra mind you, just a purple sun dress) and a boom box. That's all her belongings consist of, ergo she uses it as a purse. "Where's your ID ma'am?" She opens up the tape deck. You can't beat that people.
1) stolen car. officer finds drugs/paraphenalia/gun in plain view.
2) domestic violence (usually involving a trailer and Jack Daniels).
3) prostitution.
Every once in a while they intersect and you get a drunkard who has crashed a stolen car into his trailer then beat the shit out of his toothless girlfriend (who says they were just playing with the dog) but forgot to hide the pound of coke that she was snorting after she just got done hooking.
I think that from my experience watching the show along with my cat-like speed and reflexes I would make a great street cop (though my fear of guns would render me alone with taser). Like tonight, the police car drove down the street and passed a man on a bike with a mullet and a scrappy Jansen backpack wearing a shirt that read "Shut Your Butt." I said to no one in particular, "I would stop him just because." Sure enough at that moment the call comes in for a suspected burgler fitting said man's description. It's a sixth sense people. I think I would also be good at vehicle chases. My dad once taught me how to J-hook a car just in case, you know, I ever need to use it. I'm like Batman or the Green Lantern. Call me when you need assistance po-po.
Favorite scene all-time: Prostitute stopped in the middle of sucky-suck steps out of the vehicle with a dress (no panties or bra mind you, just a purple sun dress) and a boom box. That's all her belongings consist of, ergo she uses it as a purse. "Where's your ID ma'am?" She opens up the tape deck. You can't beat that people.
Monday, January 30, 2006
Why I should be 94
I thought it was a good idea at the time. AAA, free convention, vacation giveaway...what more could you ask for? The Fi and I trekked over to the IP on Sunday and mingled with a gaggle of retires at the local AAA Vacation Extravaganza in search of honeymoon ideas. It was much like the time Ben and Sandra pretended they were buying a condo in Florida and traveled with the retires in Forces of Nature (Sidenote-I find this to be a delightful flick). It could go down as one of my top 10 worse decisions as we both ended up being the youngest ones there, about 40 years off the average attendance age and way too passive. Besides the wave of blue hair and nasty, nasty, cranky old farts, I left with no free vacation and I smelled like Ben Gay but in true form to my heritage I got about 10 FREE books covering cruises, train rides, horseback trails, spas, carribean islands, etc. In conclusion, there are about 300 20-somethings in the Bay area who are getting jack shit for an inheritance because g-ma and pops want to see the Aztec ruins by mandarin gondola and stay at the Ritz Carlton.We have three problems: 1) I travel 6 months out of the year, why do it any more than you have to?, 2) There's not enough sedative for The Fi to fly, or boat, over an ocean, 3) We're both inherently lazy. So we are in search of how to celebrate marital bliss without traveling far, traveling on water, getting bored or spending an ass-load of money.
Friday, January 27, 2006
Show me yours and I'll show you mine...
Tomorrow begins what I feel is possibly the most ridiculous, unfounded celebration in the Bay Area-Gasparilla. It's a good excuse for the yuppies south of Kennedy (that's right, talking to you Q) to pretend that pirates invade the city and the streets flow with beer and cheap plastic beads. But it's also a good reason to drink and therefore, I partake.
The Pit's all-time favorite tale from Jose Gaspar's party would have to be when Joey Fatone
pulled a "Fear" moment with an underaged girl on a ferris wheel constructed by obvious illegal immigrants who read the directions upside down. What makes it even better is that the next year, while on 7th avenue, we were not allowed to say the words "ferris wheel" while his then-girlfriend was around or she would run to the car and cry.Runner-up: Steve peeing on the leg of Danny, a guy who we knew and gave a ride to.
Wednesday, January 25, 2006
TKO
My ego just lost a 10 round bout with Tyson...and it looks like this
I am fine, but my pride feels like Elizabeth Berkeley when she was denied Showgirl status the first time. But I too will perservere and pick myself, and my unitard up because I'm good enough, strong enough and doggonit, most people like me.
DC chose someone else. Which means that somewhere out there is someone who I will one day destroy.
I shall return to the cabana-wear shop and ask for my cruise clothes back. Who was I kidding, I am a Floridian and shall always be.
I am fine, but my pride feels like Elizabeth Berkeley when she was denied Showgirl status the first time. But I too will perservere and pick myself, and my unitard up because I'm good enough, strong enough and doggonit, most people like me.
DC chose someone else. Which means that somewhere out there is someone who I will one day destroy.
I shall return to the cabana-wear shop and ask for my cruise clothes back. Who was I kidding, I am a Floridian and shall always be.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
Brandon goes suit...
Encountered my first-ever interview on Friday. Nothing like waking up at 4:45 am and having to "be on" for the next 16 hours. I made it through the entire day without offending anyone or making any inapropriate comments; two small steps for Brandon, one large step for Walsh-kind.
Toured DC by car with possible new boss who proceeded to make 4 illegal left turns on the way to the yard. This in the city where you cannot go more than 100 yards without the presence of some kind of law enforcement official. I was not sure if this was my first test or not...does one point out the egregious error and pass the ethics portion or does one shut up and pass the 'is he a square' exam. I chose to be cool rather than law abiding, a total contradiction to my life, but if it worked for George, why not me.
Rest of the day consisted of questions, eating, questions, walking, questions and more questions. Seems like a cool gig, supposed to hear Monday. Steve, arise this morning and realize that although Chicago seems sweet, 'if they only pay in peanuts, I can only feed the elephants'-Confuscious.
Toured DC by car with possible new boss who proceeded to make 4 illegal left turns on the way to the yard. This in the city where you cannot go more than 100 yards without the presence of some kind of law enforcement official. I was not sure if this was my first test or not...does one point out the egregious error and pass the ethics portion or does one shut up and pass the 'is he a square' exam. I chose to be cool rather than law abiding, a total contradiction to my life, but if it worked for George, why not me.
Rest of the day consisted of questions, eating, questions, walking, questions and more questions. Seems like a cool gig, supposed to hear Monday. Steve, arise this morning and realize that although Chicago seems sweet, 'if they only pay in peanuts, I can only feed the elephants'-Confuscious.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Choose Brandon's Destination...
Where should Brandon end up? Enter your selection for a chance to win a hearty hand-shake...
1) Chicago-The Windy City, Chi-town, The Meat-Packing Capital of the World.
2) Washington D.C.-Capital City (The Fi can picket on her lunch-break), Eternal Flame, large phallic symbols.
3) Tampa Bay-Sunshine, Beaches, 'No shirt, no shoes, full service.'
1) Chicago-The Windy City, Chi-town, The Meat-Packing Capital of the World.
2) Washington D.C.-Capital City (The Fi can picket on her lunch-break), Eternal Flame, large phallic symbols.
3) Tampa Bay-Sunshine, Beaches, 'No shirt, no shoes, full service.'
Monday, January 09, 2006
Possible history...
It might go down as one of the top 5 lines ever in tv history...
Peter Griffin (pretending to be Jewish to a group of Hasidic Jews):
"They wanted to charge me $800, so I 'us'd' them down to $500"
Peter Griffin (pretending to be Jewish to a group of Hasidic Jews):
"They wanted to charge me $800, so I 'us'd' them down to $500"
I'm still laughing today...
Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I'm all over the map...
Could be the fact that I've been working from home the last two days or that I drank too much Kool-Aid, but I have exploded with a scatter-shot of blog topics...
-Steve, call Hedge. Wu Tang is taking on Jannus Landing next month. Snoop Dogg comes to town like a week later.
-A random find from the Weekly Planet. Seminole Heights is a neighborhood in "The Hood" in Tampa. Residents have deicided to remain indoors, lock their window bars and take on crime from their PC - NO HOOKING!
-To save you navigation, THIS was found as a link off the aforementioned page. I was unaware one could blog and keep track of a fare at the same time.
-Steve, call Hedge. Wu Tang is taking on Jannus Landing next month. Snoop Dogg comes to town like a week later.-A random find from the Weekly Planet. Seminole Heights is a neighborhood in "The Hood" in Tampa. Residents have deicided to remain indoors, lock their window bars and take on crime from their PC - NO HOOKING!
-To save you navigation, THIS was found as a link off the aforementioned page. I was unaware one could blog and keep track of a fare at the same time.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Sunday, January 01, 2006
More fun please...
I don't get it. I'm sorry. Chance to get mugged=60%, Chance to get shivved=20%, Chance to freeze my ass off=95%, Chance I am surrounded by $10 2006 sunglasses=80%, Chance I overhear mob assasination plots and have to go into witness protection=5%, Chance I'm the reason Dick Clark finally dies=0.5%.This year saw an expansion of the TV coverages on the eve of 2006. Ergo, plans are underway for NewYear's Eve 2006 when The Pit will bring a live broadcast from Nat's kitchen with special guests: Steve Guttenberg, French Stewart, Soliel Moon Frye and many more. Musical guests will include: Q-Tip, Jordan Knight, Tiffany, Los Lobos, South FM and many more illustrious artists. Be sure to tune in when screen legends Frank Stallone, Gedde Watanabe, Jason Herve and Forest Whitaker pop in to wish you a new year. And don't miss sports legends George Bell, Buddy Bell, Manut Bol, Mercury Morris and many more.
Wednesday, December 28, 2005
Still going...
3 straight days...3 straight days...still loading music on LaFawnda (I named her that because she reminds me of a buxom, lovely black lady). Best find so far while rummaging mine and The Fi's CD collection: "Papa Hardcore Mix" complete with 'Pimpin Ain't Easy,' 'Damn It Feels Good To Be A Gangsta' and capped off by 'Double Dutch Bus.' Good times.Hung out with Joey Fatone yesterday. Shopped for a matching shirt and tie for the young Polack for four hours and left empty handed. But good news, the wait staff at PF Chang's thinks we're gay lovers.
Dinner tonight with The Fi's boss and co-workers. Cross your fingers that the tuna is not on special, becuse then I would be forced to make an unfournate joke about an a-hole girl she works with.
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