Bring me a shrubery...

This is unusual for B-Wal to go back to back with religious postings being that I'm going to straight to hell at no less than 20 MPH. But....
I was engrossed in 48 hours last night which delved into the birth of Christ and the history of Christmas. The reporter (don't know her name) was being led around by Prof. Wetherington (not to be confused with Mr. Weatherbee of Archie and Jughead fame) through all the key areas of Jerusalum. It was very enlightening and would have really converted me had I not graduated high school and lived in the real world for some time now. The greatest line from the two hour special came from the astute educator (or as I like to call him - guy who whacks it in mom's basement). It was a justification as to why he is called Jesus of Nazereth yet he was born in Bethlehem, like 70 miles away. The fabrication went as such: "Because they had to return to Bethlehem to register for the census."

...riiiiiiiiiiiiggggggghhhhhhhttttttttt.....

Christians, it is people like this man that have hindered your crusades.

Other revelations from last night (in no particular order):
-Jesus might have been born on April 17, year 6...wouldn't that be a bitch, they would have to move "Black Friday" to the day after Martin King Jr Day.
-One contrarian believes that the whole "Virgin" thing was not true of Mary and that she was getting shtuped by Joseph many times in many different positions throughout the holy land.
-Said contrarian also believes that the "Immaculate Conception" could have been a cover for the time when Joseph forgot to wrap his salami in lamb's skin...can you imagine using that one as an excuse today. "No really, there were no sexual relations with Joseph, the Lord has chosen me, a crack-addicted trailer park queen to carry his child."
-Also turns out Mary might have been like 14 when she had Jesus, which means Joseph and R. Kelly could have been really good friends.